If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
