More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
