My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Come on in and take your pants off
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