the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize