I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
