What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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