Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
