She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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