I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
