I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
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A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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