I CAN MOONWALK!
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
