My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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