My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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