my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
