It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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