Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
