could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
