My sheets look like a crime scene.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
