every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
No subtext here. People are naked.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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