I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
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His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
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I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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