i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
