but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
