is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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