My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
