I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
