We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
