You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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