is your mom at the bar?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i need some magic done to my vagina
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
