forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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