OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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