Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
