I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
