we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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