South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
