Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
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in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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