Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
