what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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