I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
