I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
