yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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