he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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