I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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