We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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