I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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