Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
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He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
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You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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