tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
