So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
