meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm too high and old for this...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
