Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
