I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
