As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
