On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
