Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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