tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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