If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
