I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
