Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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