uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
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I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize