You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
When are your genitals available?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
