It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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