Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
